Things I've Learned

Life is funny.  As you get to new experiences along the way, you learn what you need to know.  For example, when I was young, 18, and fresh out of high school, I had no idea that wearing a ring on your left ring finger meant you were engaged or married.  No idea.  So I start my bank job and often wear one of my cute little costume piece rings on that finger.  One day a client makes a comment that my Mickey Mouse shaped ring made an interesting wedding ring.  I was too surprised to tell them I wasn't married.  I went home and asked my mom about it; she set me straight.  By the time I was 21, living in Utah, and still not engaged to my boyfriend of almost 4 years, engagement/wedding rings were all I saw. 
Pregnancy is the same way.  Up until a few months ago, pregnancy was a far-in-the-future thing.  All I knew about it was it takes 9 months and results in a baby.  Once you start trying for it, though, you learn all about the world of ovulation and temping and how important it is to keep track of your periods and all the possible symptoms of early pregnancy and you get a million times more in touch with your body. 
Trying for a baby is exhausting.  It consumes your mind.  Even if you tell yourself you won't be one of those women that crazily track when you are ovulating, you are.  So you do what you can, and then you start what is called the 2WW (2 week wait).  It's the awful two weeks where you wait for your period to start.  If you get on the internet at this time, you find a plethora of women who are imagining what pregnancy symptoms they are experiencing.  They go into excruciating detail.  But you too are in the 2WW, so you drink it all up and play along.  Then you start taking home pregnancy tests like a mad person.  Every couple of days you are sneaking to the grocery store without your husband  to spend another $10 on two more.  Your husband has no idea that most your budget is going to these stupid tests that are being wasted because you're testing way too early anyways.  So you see negative after negative, you're getting symptoms that feel like pregnancy but are most likely PMS, and then you're late and you're like, OHMYGOSH I MUST BE PREGNANT!  Your pregnancy test taking rate increases exponentially.  Still, you're getting negatives.  Then your period starts and you cry and feel stupid for crying but can't help it.  And then you resolve that this next month will be the month, and you start all over again.  Secretly you start worrying that you are infertile and coming up with all sorts of diseases you have that just have gone undiagnosed.
Then one day when you're bored at home, you decide to take a test "just for fun" and you look at it after 3 minutes and you see that a faint line is appearing!  You feel disbelief and euphoria and after seeing so many negatives, you almost don't believe the positive one.  So you take a million more til you believe it yourself.
Then you come to terms with the fact that you are actually pregnant.  What you've wanted more than anything for months is now a reality, and you have a mix of emotions.  "Am I really ready to be a mom?"  "Am I sure I wanted this?"    "Do I really want to give up all my me time?"  (Selfish I know) 
Once you are pregnant, you move on to the next phase of learning.  You learn just how common miscarriage is, and signs to look for.  You learn the definition of morning sickness.  No, it's not like the stomach flu.  It's like your body has completely changed, and just doesn't like food anymore.  Food smells gross and tastes even grosser.  If you feel hungry you feel nauseous.  Once you eat you feel even more nauseous.  It's a lose-lose situation.  You start looking into the far future of delivery, and freaking out.  But clearly kids are worth it, because women keep doing it.  That's what I'm telling myself anyways. 
I sometimes wonder if telling everyone this early was a mistake.  I read all these warnings of "Don't tell anyone til the 2nd trimester, if you have a miscarriage you will regret it!"  Maybe.  But the fact is, that's life.  People lose babies.  Sometimes they lose them after the first trimester.  Sometimes they lose them after they are born.  It doesn't make the baby any less real or important, so right now while I am pregnant with a healthy baby, I will be happy about it, and I enjoy having friends and family be happy with me. 
The bottom line is, I can't wait for October to come!  And to learn all the things I will learn by being a mom.