I Should Be Studying For My Final Tomorrow But...

I'm not.
That's my whole post.
Just kidding.
Here are my thoughts lately:
So it feels like right now in life everything that could be going wrong is going wrong.... and for the longest time (aka past 2 months) I've been feeling all sorry for myself and thinking "Why me?  Poor me."  (I'm really good at thinking that way). 
Well, the more I've thought about why things are the way they are, I've made some interesting discoveries.  Some things are things that I have no control over.  Which means I have every right to feel sorry for myself.  Not really.  But a lot of things are problems I've created for myself.  Whatever.  The important thing is my ATTITUDE about everything!  So for the last couple days I've tried to have a different outlook on everything, and it's kind of been amazing how much of a better mood I've been in.  I forgive others more easily, and even harder, I forgive myself more easily.  It's weird actually.  So yes, now I'm a believer.  Attitude is indeed everything.  Whoever made that up is a genius. 

My Search for Happiness

So, I've recently been trying to find the recipe for happiness.  It hasn't been easy.  In fact, it's been more discouraging than anything.  I feel like everyone I ask gives me a different answer.  This book says this, that book says that. 
My mom says happiness comes in following the prophets.  The thing is, I haven't lived your typical cookie-cutter Mormon life.  I'm almost 22 and not anywhere close to getting married, no, I'm not considering a mission, and school... well that hasn't worked out like I thought it would in high school.  I am SO sick of every single person asking if I'm dating someone and if we're getting married.  So what if we're not?  I don't like singles wards.  There.  I said it.  I don't like having to pretend to be "social" and go to all these activities and meetings in hopes that I'll finally meet my eternal soulmate. 
 I've been told that happiness comes from meditation.  Okay, I've never actually tried it.  Maybe I'm scared of being alone with my thoughts.  Aren't we all?  Maybe that's why we all keep ourselves so busy, so that we never slow down enough to think.  One of my biggest goals in life is to get to a place where I'm not afraid anymore.  Where I can examine my past, present, and future, and appreciate it for what it is.  I'm definitely not there yet. 
A self-help book tells me that if I "get a life", I'll find happiness.  Aka:  get some hobbies.  I picked one up recently.  It's called longboarding.  Me and my friend Jamie got really good this past summer.  Okay, maybe not really good, but we improved a lot.  Yes, it really makes me happy.  In a temporary sort of way.  So what, if I get enough of these little hobbies, I'll be happy?  I don't know if I believe that.
Some people say that happiness comes from the relationships you've built with other people.  Maybe.  But what if those relationships end?  What if you drift apart?  What if a family member makes decisions you find unforgivable?
 I guess I'm scared because life feels so unstable at this time in my life.  They say that the decisions you make right now affect the rest of your life.  That's a terrifying thought.  Nothing is cut in stone yet, because I haven't picked a major and I haven't gotten married.  The world is wide open and that thought scares me. 
What I'm trying to say here is it's confusing.  Everyone has a different answer to happiness, so who do you listen to?  Maybe there's a fine balance between everything.  I'll keep looking.

I Am New

Hello, I'm Jade.  I am a blog-virgin.  Thanks to Jamie for teaching me!  I'll feel really cool once I can figure out how to actually do anything on here.  That is all!